The reason why I don't post my art often is because I'm busy "writing" the second chapter of this story.

Also I have a work-life-hobby balance.

There are times that when I saw something to draw, I was like: "NOPE!". This is because I think I can't draw this or I don't want to draw this.

I can't draw complicated pictures. I know that we have to draw first the basic shapes and then add the details. The problem is that the more details I see or need to draw, The more this feeling that I don't want to do this.

I can't draw that would take a lot of time to finish the work. I know some artists said that they took more than an hour to finish their work. That means I have to be patient in making my art. But I always like: "I need to finish this as fast as possible!" which makes me think that I can't draw this in a short period of time (1hr at most).

I don't want to draw pictures that are too embarrassing to show to anyone. This one is self-explanatory.

I know that It's okay if you're not good at drawing. That it's okay that you have to finish your art anytime you want. That you should draw this for fun.

I just wish I'm doing this because I want to not because I have to.

One time, I asked my friend that I want a collab with him. And then he rants about likes/views/subscribers/whatever you called them.

At first, I'm making videos for fun. As of today, I noticed that I'm finding ways to increase my subscribers on my YouTube channel.

Because of this, I forgot that I should be doing this for fun no matter what people say about my works. And then I start comparing myself to others.

I'm asking the same friend for help and he said that I should compare my art to my previous ones.

In the end, I should be doing art just because I wanted to not because of seeking likes/views/subscriber/whatever! And I should see my previous works to see if I did better than myself. Whatever people said about my works, I'll tell myself that I did a great job!

In case anyone doesn't know, I have a YouTube Channel named: JCBoloso's Cartoons. (Please subscribe)

I've been running this channel since 2019.

Making videos and drawing cartoons was my hobby.

I was thinking of turning this hobby into my dream job.

I wish I have more time to focus on this dream job but life and stuff made me do otherwise.

Here are other things I have/want to do:

I have a job at an Engineering Company

I practice weight-lifting sometimes

Read Novels

Study Science or Math

Watching Netflix or YouTube

Chatting my friends at Discord

What I'm trying to say is, I have so many things to do in my life but I don't know where should I go. I'm trying to consider the first thing I need to do but there is other stuff that I also need to do.

So, yeah. I have a lot of things to do.

I have this serious envy towards big creators.

I felt this way because I think that they are so high and mighty that they could just ignore us all the time.

I immediately thought that I will never be as big as them. I sometimes tend to lose my motivation to do my art/animation projects because of this.

So I thought that the only way is to ignore these creators too and never expect them to talk to me. That way, I will forget that they're famous this whole time.

But I still can't forget this envy I'm feeling right now.

I know that they are human beings like us but if I ever saw one of them in person, I will do anything to avoid them because I believe that we have no time to talk to each other and talking to them might gets worse.

And also the thought that we are nothing but fans to them. There are a lot of people who wants to meet them in person so I don't want to waste my time just to meet them.

After meeting them, now what? We're friends already? I don't think so. They meet a lot of people and the probability that I'm friends with them is significantly low, unless I'm a big creator too or someone who works for them.

So there's no point in meeting them in person.

I know that I'm the bad person in this situation and I don't expect for you to understand me.

I'm just letting you know this envy I had right now and I'm trying my best to ignore this envy inside of me.

This serious envy towards big creators.

If there's something I didn't know or told you about, just let me know.

Hi. I decided to have a Newgrounds account for one of them has one.

I'm still having second thoughts about this but I'll just upload everything I have here.